I don’t know why my parents did it.. made me ride in a car and travel places, I had no wish of visiting; especially when they knew how sick it made me. I traveled quite a bit. Most kids would probably consider it a luxury, a huge advantage; and most adults would serve up kudos to my parents– ‘character- building’ they would say. I don’t think, however, pushing to do something helps build character, unless, you end up loving it. Most of the stuff I hated or feared, I do to this day; and I cant really say I have much of a character,either. For that matter, even if I do, it probably was not because of being pushed into things. I have not learned to enjoy things that I congenitally didn’t or made my mind up against. Stubborn soul. And my boy is me, in more than one way.
That brings me to the dilemma that keeps me awake at night. Brownie’s car-sickness. Who am I to force him into 8 hours of tumultuous tummy revolving agony? Who am I to think he wont eventually learn to ride in a car? Or enjoy it?
Since August, he has exceeded expectations and fit exactly to me and my world in oh so many ways; in my mind I am constantly thanking whoever caused this miracle. He’s my perfect canine. I can only hope I am as good a human as he thinks I am. Who am I to not embrace this one shortcoming he has? And who am I to call it a shortcoming?
But after the philosophizing, comes time to take decisions.
Do I leave him home when I travel? Do I have to travel? I never quite leave him anywhere, my mind stays back with him. There are places I need to go. Or do I really? What do I give up and what ground do I hold? What does he learn from it? I mean, I did learn to love traveling. I learned to enjoy the ride more than the destination, in fact. But how much do you suppose Brownie would “learn”? How much are these lessons worth anyway?
I am mortally confused and conflicted.
I can not really go to my single friends nor to those with kids for clues. The embarrassing question comes up why do I act more like a parent than a dog “owner”. Well to me, a parent is not much but a eluded and illusive kid-owner anyway. But I dare say that to them?! And all those canine-expert messiahs preaching “don’t treat your dog like a human, it will treat you like a dog”…why would I treat him like a human? I treat him better. And if he treated me like a dog, I would probably be the most loved creature on earth.
That’s what conflict and confusion does to me.
For someone who questions every “has to” that has been forced on me, who am I to go with everyone else’s “he has to learn”…guess what? He doesn’t, not unless I force him to! Should I?